Don’t anyone think I’m needing help . . I’m not sad or upset . . maybe a little frazzled. This morning I thinking about life. So many big changes are happening at once with the move and leaving Chad behind but even worse is this transition period. It makes me think differently about the things people go through and how they cope.
When we knew that Vince would be leaving a couple of months before I moved, my first thoughts were: Fantastic! Less cleaning, less cooking . . more sewing! But once reality set in, less cooking means less good food to eat and cooking is also a hobby for me. I look at recipes and yearn to cook but don’t want to make a mess in the kitchen, don’t want to have to eat the same thing for a week and since I’m the only one here most of the time who would eat it, that’s what would happen. For a couple of weeks, I ate cereal. Then we ran out of cereal and I’ve had enough Hardee’s chicken wraps that I expect I’ll barf if I even see another one. There are so few places to eat around here. I want to cook. I want my whole family to sit down at the table and enjoy a home cooked meal with me!
Cleaning kept me busy for several hours each morning. Since I’m only cleaning up after myself and occasionally Chad, cleaning takes no time at all and I kinda wander aimlessly through the house . . feeling like I’m slacking because there’s not much to do around here.
This is the time of year when I should be harvesting my produce and canning. That’s not happening.
I go downstairs to sew and the basement seems lonely. Boxes are stacked everywhere. The vision of starting over in a new sewing room is both stimulating and frightening. I love my sewing room here and it’s hard leaving it.
Working alone in my sewing area has always been fun but that’s when I knew Vince would be home for lunch and then dinner and Vince and sometimes Chad too would be home all evening. Now . . it’s mostly just me . . morning, noon and night. Even sewing has lost some of its appeal.
I think of myself as a well balanced, fairly sane person and I wonder how those who struggle with depression or other mental issues get through such times as these. It isn’t easy. It isn’t fun. But, it’s temporary. Chad will probably never live with us again but seeing him grow up, and graduate from college and hopefully get a good job some day soon . . that’s what every parent has worked toward so him living on his own is kinda like a reward for a job well done . . I suppose! Vince and I will either get the house we’re hoping to get or we will continue to look til we find what we want and then we’ll get all set up again and . . if ever he mentions moving again, that’s when I will totally lose my sanity.