The Library Lady Will Never Be The Same

Friday I decided to go to the library to get my library card.  Don’t ask me why . . I never check out books.  They have e-books you can read on the computer but I don’t think they will work on the Kindle until they update their program and include “Overdrive”.  The truth is . . I was thinking of any reason I could find to go to town so I could go to Taco Bueno.  I waited til the last minute and called Vince to let him know I was heading to town and he decided he would meet me at the library and we would both get our library cards.  I knew my plans had been disrupted!

I got to the library first.  There was a younger lady and an older lady working.  By older lady, I’m thinking close to 80 years old.  The younger lady was waiting on me.  Vince walked in and the older lady came over to wait on him.

When we go to restaurants or anywhere we have to give our name . . the kinds of places where it doesn’t really matter if we’re honest or not, Vince always says “Green”.  If I had feelings, they would be hurt because his ex-wife’s maiden name was Green.  My maiden name was Miller.  Why can’t he say Miller?  But, if ever you want to have some fun . . when you walk into a restaurant and they ask your name for the waiting list, say “Laquidara” and see the look it gets you and then wait til they try to say it when it’s your turn.  You’ll be saying “Green” too!  🙂

The elderly lady was very sweet and she said to Vince “What’s your name, honey?” and Vince said “Green”!  NO!  Vince  . . you have to give her your real name.  Things were going downhill rapidly.  The lady asked us where we moved here from.  I told her southwest Missouri.  If you say “Nevada, MO” then you have to go through the whole geography lesson about where Nevada is located.  If you happen to mention that it was near Joplin, then you have to hear how terrible the tornado was.  Yes, it was very sad but I really don’t want to go into all that everywhere we go.

When we said southwest MO, the lady said “Oh!  Harry Truman was from there.  He was such a great president.  I wish we could have another one like him!  You probably don’t remember him being president, do you?”  Not really!  His term ended in 1953 and I was born in 1954.

We get past the discussion of the presidents for the past 50+ years, the current president, the upcoming political season, the Texas governor and then she wants to be sure we understand how things work in Texas.  They shoot first and then ask questions!  Yep, we got that down!   She was so funny.  Vince and I were cracking up.  By now, even though she has both our driver’s licenses, she’s calling us Mr. and Mrs. Green.

Then it was time to sign our library card.  I’m digging in my purse for a pen and I pull this out.

I wish you could have seen her face.  I’m not sure what she thought it was.  I doubt she thought it was what I thought she thought it was but she had the funniest look on her face, her mouth dropped open and she said to another girl working there . . Come and see what Mrs. Green has in her purse!

Of course, by now, Vince is saying “What the hell are you doing with that in your purse?  What is it anyway?”

So I had to explain the whole story to everyone in the library because folks from far and near had come over to see what the commotion was all about.

My dear blog reader, Diana, should be feeling very guilty about this episode about now!  Diana sent two quilts for the fire victims and she sent a treat for Speck.  The treats are called “Texas Toothpicks” but they’re really cow tails . . tails from a cow.  Speck loves them and as I was leaving the house the other day (not Friday), I saw Max, the neighbor’s dog.  I tried to persuade Max to come and get the treat from me but he would not come close to me.  So, I stuck the cow tail in my purse.  The folks were looking at me like  . . Is that the best story you can come up with?

We looked around the library for a minute and when we started to walk out, the elderly lady was waiting on another patron.  She said “There go Mr. and Mrs. Green!”  Everyone in the library waved goodbye and I’m so happy they all think we are Mr. and Mrs. Green!


  1. 1

    Kate says

    oh lord, that thing is disgusting…

    this is the weirdest post… judy, you are over the top today.

  2. 2

    NancyB in AZ says

    I agree, Kate. She can’t top this one! I’ll say it again; I wish I was Judy. She has so much fun.

  3. 3

    Ruth says

    That is hilarious! I have a section of Google Reader set up for librarian blogs. Love the Liberry is one about funny things that happen in the library and this would fit right in!

  4. 4

    SueZ says

    Judy, if I didn’t know better I would swear you copied our ‘waiting list name’. Years ago my husband and I were waiting for a table in a very busy restaurant for what seemed like hours. Apparently they called our name but they mispronounced so badly that we didn’t even recognize that they had called it. After that we always used Green.

  5. 5


    LOL:) Our last name is Rabalais. In Georgia, this is a disaster. We always give the name Jones (DH’s best friend). We figure we have a better chance of getting our table if they can pronounce our name.

  6. 7

    Ruth says

    What a hoot Judy. Brownwood is never going to be a dull place with you and Vince living there.
    Thanks again for sharing your stories.

  7. 8

    Linda in NE says

    Great story, Judy!! I can honestly say I have never had anyone come to the library and pull part of a cow’s tail out of their purse. 🙂

    We don’t have Overdrive at our library because of the cost and hearing that patrons at other libraries have trouble figuring out how to download the books to their computers and then transferring them to their eReaders. They just don’t understand that it has to be done on THEIR computer and not the library computers. Supposedly ebooks for Kindle can be borrowed now, but I think it’s even more of a round about process than just downloading the .epub format that Overdrive has been loaning all along. I think the whole process needs a little work.

    • 8.1


      We have Overdrive and our patrons love the service. More ebooks are being checked out each month. (I’m an audiobook listener and I use Overdrive frequently.)

  8. 11

    Trina says

    Seems to me that you are feeling right at home there. I am glad that you are settling in. I enjoyed reading of your adventures. At first I thought the cow’s tail was a dehydrated carrot. One thing about the Miller name, it is very common. Guess what my married name is? Yep. In fact my husband had seven wives at one time just because his name is so common. Maybe we should take up the name Green when waiting for a table.


  9. 12

    Danna Uyehara says

    I swear, I haven’t laughed so hard in a l-o-n-g time! So glad things are going better for you in Texas…

  10. 13

    Martha says

    I turned blue from laughing about the cowtail in a library of all places. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall everywhere you are. It would be hilarious.

  11. 15

    Cindy from California says

    I laughed until I cried at the cow’s tail!!! VERY funny story!

    My last name is BURGDORF. Try going to a Chinese restaurant and have them pronounce that correctly! Not going to happen! For the last 20 years or so, we have made reservations under the name STONE. If it is a really nice restaurant, then we make reservations under DR. STONE!!! 🙂

    Thanks for the entertainment!

  12. 16


    that is so funny because i can relate to both parts of the post. my husband’s first name is everett and our last name, well, it’s a doosie too, so whenever they ask for a name, be it a sit down restaurant or for take out, he says “bob”. cracks me up! and the cow tail, well, our dog ivy’s favorite treat is pig’s ears. and yes, they are real pig’s ears.

  13. 17


    OH JUDY………I really truly am LOL…….we need a new expression…….LOL I AM SERIOUS!

    Oh my that is the funniest post ever. And you will forever be Mr. and Mrs. Green when you visit the library!

    Oh my – I can’t even catch my breath! And that THING in your purse….they are probably saying, “NO WONDER THEY DIDN’T WANT TO USE THEIR REAL NAMES!!”

    Thanks for sharing!

    sao in Midlothian, VA

  14. 18


    Maybe he used Green to memorialize the green tee shirts?!
    If we ever go out to eat I’d like to try that…now to think up a fun last name….

  15. 19

    Alma says

    I really needed a good laugh!! Thanks!
    Our library system just got the electronic books but when I read that anywhere from 10 to 28 people are already on the waiting list ahead of me I decided that could be 6 months or more so I haven’t tried it yet. It did connect to my Kindle account so I know it works.

  16. 20

    Diana in TX says

    I am laughing so hard tears are running down my face! Galen is asking what’s going on, I’ll just forward your blog to him. My telling it will never be the same as his reading it! Iam glad to hear that Speck likes them and that you didn’t give them to Vince after all!!!!!!! I have never thought to carry one in my purse!

  17. 21


    Oh, you do have some adventures! Reminds me of an old story: to be funny, ex-husband once gave the name Earp, as in Wyatt Earp–not our last name–to an about 18 year old hostess at a steakhouse. When she left the hostess stand I peeked to see how she spelled and she put URP. Pretty funny!

    I thought you pulled out a mummified parsnip from your purse at first, but a cow tail is way more gross!

  18. 22


    That was so funny. I thought the item was a dry night crawler from up north….where they are huge.

    So Mr and Mrs Green are already the talk of the town.

  19. 23

    Diana in TX says

    Can you imagine the Friday night dinner conversation? Brownwood will never be the same!

  20. 24

    marolyn says

    my daughter and her friend went into a cafe in wichita which asked for your initials to let you know your order was ready. they both changed their replies after the call came out for “pp” and “bm”.

  21. 25

    Sandy says

    Way too funny! Judy, you and Vince are going to be the talk of the town. The Greens…… I think that is a clever idea since maybe the young waitresses would be able to spell it. Laquidara? Good luck with them pronoucing that let alone spell it!! Now that cow’s tail….I wasn’t sure WHAT that was but glad you cleared that up for us. Never a dull momemt at your house. I am still laughing!!

  22. 26

    BonnieW says

    This is why I love your blog! Mixed in with the quilts are some fascinating adventures and you tell the stories so well 🙂
    Even though my childhood was on a ranch, I can honestly say I have never seen a cow’s tail without its hair!! nor carried one in my purse RFLO.

  23. 27


    I just discovered that I can borrow e-books and down load them to my Kindle from the library. admittedly a multi-step process, but since I’ve got a kindle with wi-fi and 3G that takes one step out of the process.

  24. 28

    Sara in AL says

    So funny!! A cow’s tail, now that is original. You two must laugh a lot! I alway just use my first name at restaurants. Our last name is Schmidt. Not only can they not say it, they can’t spell it either. I have been called Smith, and always tell them that they didn’t need to translate it for me. LOL When it is a place where you must use your real name (like a Dr.’s office) I usually will answer to anything sounding like it starts with an S, especially if they have a perplexed look on their face. I had them call “Smididit” one time when we were first married, I was very confused by that. It is such a simple name.

  25. 30

    Diann Smith says

    I bet those ladies were serious about their library. I’m glad you got your card. And hey I’m a serious fan of Harry S myself though I was barely born then..but I can read and admire him greatly. We DO need more like him.
    But I have to tell you that my brother is in the corporate world so foreign to me and travels all over the world and he is always acting silly so when we visit and go out to eat and there’s a long wait list he always gives his name as Lamborghini…probably didn’t spell that correctly. Anyway the car maker. To us we get laughing. He calls us Jeanie and my daughter teeny weeny, and it goes on and on but believe this……………….We get up to the front of the line in MINUTES. He says it always works GREAT.
    I think this is one of your greatest posts and I didn’t know what that thing was either . We’ve been on vacation and I’ve just been sitting and wondering about the posts you put on that I missed!!!!

  26. 31


    Does your poor new home town have any idea what they have in store for them! You and Vince will have them confused and then in stitches for years to come. So funny. It’s 5 a.m. and I needed this to wake me up.

  27. 32


    Funny post! Now I want to know how you do pronounce Laquidara(beautiful name by the way) is the accent on La ,qui or dara?

  28. 33


    You outdid yourself on this post – I would so love to see you and Vince together – in action – just trying to be normal folks – the operative word of course is normal. Don’t you just love all the variety of life we have. Judy C

  29. 35


    I love it! Any time I think I’ve heard it all, I open up your blog and find you’ve topped yourself again. God bless the people of Brownwood, Texas. They have no idea what they have gotten themselves into.

  30. 37

    Dorothy Schreyer says

    Overdrive is now compatable with Kindle devices, I work at a library and know this was a BIG deal to get.

  31. 38

    Cindy B. says

    What I think is ironic is: they asked for your driver’s license, and if they had read it, they can see: your name is NOT Green!

    Why do they ask for our picture ID if they are not going to really read it?!

  32. 39


    Thanks for the chuckle. How interesting it would be to follow you both around for a week…or even a day when you’re out and about. ;0)

  33. 40

    Jenny Day says

    I realize you are way beyond children’s books, but now that you have your library cards, you really should read “Meet Mr. and Mrs. Green” and the sequels! They have the same sort of easy-going, laid-back adventures like you and Vince!